I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I supernannyed him into submission
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
