Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The Olympian is in my bed
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