Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
