Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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