If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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