Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize