just tell him i said nine months
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
