I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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