he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
