When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
