That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize