I think my fart just growled at me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
