Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
