How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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