I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
