I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
