I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize