This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
