Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize