Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
