Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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