apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
