I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
