My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
