Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize