this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize