guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
