i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
