I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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