Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
