I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
