Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
