Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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