thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
