I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
