you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
