what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
