Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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