my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
