No stitches, just platelets and will power
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
