We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
