I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
