I smell stomach acid.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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