Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
