So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize