do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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