There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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