Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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