I think my vagina is haunted
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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