im having a threesome with these popsicles
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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