Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
