I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
