I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
