Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
