Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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