Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
