are you still at the devil's house?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
