anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
