I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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