After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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